Birthday Guilt

My daughter's birthday did not start well.  For me, at least.  She thought everything was just brilliant.  I, however, was afflicted with a chronic case of maternal guilt, comparing her birthday to her brother's, and feeling we weren't as excited this time, there weren't as many toys, less party guests....

But in the end, I don't really see what else we could have done.  Her birthday was on a Wednesday, so inviting people would, in many cases, mean asking them to take the day off--I could have had the party on the weekend, for all the difference she would have known, but precisely because she didn't know what was so special about the day, I felt we had to celebrate on the day.... if that makes any sense?  Besides, I don't really believe in having large parties for one year olds anyway: too much stimulation.

As far as toys went, she already has all the toys that her brother had at that age, and more.  I don't want to buy her toys just for the sake of buying toys, nor do I want to clutter up the house with a dozen more baby/toddler toys that both children will have grown out of in a year.  So we had a few toys on the wishlist, but we also asked people to buy her clothes, and we deliberately didn't get her a 'big' present, since we'll only end up buying them more stuff over the summer anyway.

Finally, there's our own enthusiasm.  OK, I can't do anything about the fact that her birthday came after we'd all been sick for two weeks and most of us were on antibiotics.  But still... shouldn't this be more fun?  A friend of mine today admitted that she wasn't looking forward to doing the whole first birthday party thing again, and I felt so relieved to know that I wasn't the only one.  It's not that I feel the occasion is any less special...  but the shine of planning the celebrations has turned into the stress of organising the day's events. 

Then there's the stress of having to make it comparable to her brother's first birthday.  True, for all she cared, she would be over the moon if I spent eight hours reading Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? to her.  The problem is that we have all these pictures of her brother's birthday and the festivities surrounding it.  I even put together a video of the day.  And yesterday morning, all I could think of was my daughter in ten years time going: "How come there aren't as many pictures of my first birthday?  Where's my video?  You love him more!"

These are the perils of living in the digital age.

Still, despite these morning doubts, the actual birthday panned out very well, and even the party was good fun.  She might not have had as many toys and guests, but I did improvise a play feature, to distinguish this from any other gathering.  We have half a dozen cheap dancing scarves in the primary and secondary colours.  I strung some yarn across the living room and pegged the scarves up to make a 'rainbow' for her to crawl through.  She loved it, and so did our cat.

That'll be something else for the rainy day ideas list!

It also bothered me more than I expected that she was turning one.  When I put her to bed last night, I couldn't quite get past the fact that it was our last interaction while she was still a baby, less than a year old... (actually, our last interaction was me putting her back to sleep at 11pm).

For the most part though, I'm just deeply grateful for all that I have, and so proud of my one year old girl for how far she's come.