This week will be the children's last at school, which means two and a half months of summer holiday--or the end of my mornings to myself! Seems like a good excuse for a retrospective on being a stay at home Mum with school-age children.
Bear in mind that my intention for 2013 was to return to work although I should note that my hope was to be able to work at the same school as my children. and this did not pan out. I did have a brief stint covering for another teacher, but since February, my children have been going to school every morning while I stay at home. Initially, I was very much looking forward to the experience of having three
hours to myself every day--it seemed so decadent and so full of
opportunities to Do All The Things.
Children Get Sick
In fact, it started off with me acting as nursemaid as the whole family got sick with the round of winter bugs. The children (mostly my two year old daughter) continued to be sick off and on until the beginning of May, but certainly February and March were almost completely taken up with one child or another being off school. Meanwhile, I felt almost permanently under the weather as ear / eye / throat infections caused interrupted nights, and the stress of not getting other things done translated into insomnia.
Coming right after my month as a substitute teacher, this was something of a wake-up call, as it was starkly obvious just how difficult February and March would have been if I was working. I could hardly have taken half the week off every week.
Obviously, in that situation, my husband could have taken days off as well--in a pinch, he could probably manage to work from home, although that wouldn't always be feasible. Also, there were days when I erred on the side of keeping a weepy child home; if we were both working, I'd be more likely to send them into school and hope for the best.
Even so, it made me appreciate just how difficult it is logistically when both parents are working with no alternative childcare. For that seven week period, there were at least two days of every week when somebody (usually my daughter, but we all suffered off and on) had to stay at home, which would have meant either my husband or myself (and a couple of times, both of us) would have had to take a day off work.
Millions of families manage it, so no doubt we could as well, but that doesn't mean it's easy, and I don't suppose anybody really succeeds in keeping all the plates spinning without dropping one from time to time. We could afford a nanny, but considering where my interests lie, we don't personally gain much advantage from paying my salary to somebody else to look after our children.
Time Abhors a Vacuum
Once the children did start getting into reasonable stretches of wellness (and we weren't going on trips around the US), I finally got into a routine of free mornings. That has been wonderful. It's a tremendous luxury after four years of infant and toddler-care, and I love it!
Still, it's interesting noting the disconnect between what I envisioned and reality. One of the things you learn as a parent is that you can get a phenomenal amount of things done if somebody takes the children away for just a couple of hours. Whenever I needed to completely reorganise a room or had some other grand housework job, I would get my husband to take the children out at the weekend while I got the job done.
Therefore, I vaguely assumed that five such opportunities every week would mean that my house would be eternally spotless, I could tackle all those projects I'd been meaning to do, and still have time to go out and just enjoy shopping or maybe take a weekly swimming class or something. Not to mention, with that daily break from childcare, I'd not only be able to stay patient with the children, but I'd have boundless enthusiasm for our afternoon activities.
The reality? Well, my personality is such that I get fixated on things. So if I decided to reorganise the filing cabinets or archive all the photos or write, I would do that. I would not do any housework. Moreover, when the children got home, assuming I had not finished my current project, I'd be thinking about it, twitchy to get back to it and... yes... irritable with the children for distracting me from my ongoing task.
It probably took me a few weeks to figure this out. Damnit, cognitive dissonance. While realising this means I can work around it a bit, it is always going to be a problem for me, it's something I will have to keep watching out for, and it will certainly always be one of the flaws in my parenting.
The truth is, of course, however much time we have, we expand our activities to fill it and thus constantly feel that we don't have enough time. I never did take up that swimming class, and I haven't done much shopping outside of necessities either--though, to be fair, I don't really like shopping that much, and right now, the novelty of being alone in the house hasn't worn off. I'd much rather treat myself to twenty minutes of watching How I Met Your Mother in peace than of looking at clothes on a rack.
Social Guilt
The irony here is that I've always been an advocate of the stay at home mother, yet personally, I felt that I could not justify my unemployment once both the children were at school. It was always my intention to return to work at this point, so that I would be contributing to the household finances and so that I would be focusing on myself and my career plans--i.e. so that I wouldn't 'just' be a Mum.
Had things worked out and I'd been able to take up the job I originally wanted, this would probably be a post about getting to grips with parenting and career. Instead I've spent the past few months wondering if I should find a Plan B without actually starting the jobhunt.
Part of this has been because we have been finding a new school for the children (more on that in another post) and we agreed both that that should take priority and that there wasn't a lot of point in me finding a job until we had that settled and we knew what my time commitment to the children would be. Working at the same school would have solved a lot of logistical issues regarding hours and holidays; we've still got to account for those.
Yet a lot of my procrastination has been due to my own re-assessment of my value to this family. I appreciate more than I did before that having one parent who doesn't work is a huge asset (even if it does come with unfortunate housewife connotations). And while any family can benefit from a second salary, we're very very lucky that we can live so comfortably off my husband's current income.
It doesn't mean I'm giving up on my career, but I can still plan for it, research my options and prepare myself. I fully intend to earn money again, but it's going to wait another year, maybe longer. (Around this point in reading the blog, my husband is probably having a great time devising snarky comments--I do it all for you, dear.) Again, I'm in a fortunate position here, in that I'm not looking to climb a lengthy career ladder. I've read plenty of blogposts from mothers who would like to stay at home longer, but whose job aspirations prevent them from putting their careers on hold.
Fortunately, the other lesson I've learned from the past few months (and indeed, the past few years) is that being a stay-at-home mum doesn't mean that I've lost my identity outside of the children. The internet in particular has been a great outlet for that--thank heavens, I've always been a geek! Serendipitously, this assuages some of my income guilt because at least my hobbies come free.
The Long and the Short Term of It
And that, in a nutshell, is how I've learned to stop worrying and love being a Stay At Home Mum. (Well, maybe I'm still a little defensive.) What I don't yet know is how long this situation will continue. Until both children are out of pre-school? Until my daughter's immune system kicks into gear? Until an unmissable job opportunity presents itself? Or perhaps until after we've left the US, which is another nebulous deadline we talk about occasionally.
I hope this doesn't become one of those things where I wait for a right moment that never comes, but certainly, here and now, it makes sense to keep ourselves adaptable. Perhaps I'll have new plans for 2014.
Right now, I've got a week left to relish my mornings, before I go back to being a full-time mother over the summer vacation. I suspect I might be feeling quite jaded about that in another month or so, but for the time being, I'm excited about taking the children on days out so I'm going to capitalise on my enthusiasm while it lasts!
Showing posts with label Career. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Career. Show all posts
Monday, 3 June 2013
Sunday, 17 February 2013
Goodbye work, and welcome growing up!
So what I have not been doing in all my newfound freetime is writing this blog! Covering the class at my children's school came to an end a few weeks earlier than originally expected. On Monday, I started a new era of dropping the children off at school, then having three hours entirely at my disposal before picking them again. It turned out to be timed rather well, since I came down with a cold and then my daughter caught it, and then this weekend she's had a stomach bug... To sum up, knowing that I have three hours that I can spend in a vegetative state has been a most welcome thought.
Early reactions to the shift have included the utter thrill of getting in and out of the car without having to worry about anything more than my handbag and keys. Also going round the supermarket and feeling absurdly lonely. Rehabilitation might take longer than I thought...
My last day of school also marked my daughter's second birthday, and since then, she's continued at the school every morning without me and adapted beautifully. Of course, my last week was a transitional week, when both I and the new teacher were working together, so she had time to develop a rapport with her. Reportedly, she's asked for me a few times off and on, but it's not upset her, and every morning, she heads up the steps without a backwards glance (my son at least waits for my goodbye kiss). I am almost a little offended!
It's a huge thrill to see her old enough to go to the toddler class, the class that I helped to establish six years ago! I remember being just as thrilled when my son started, but in my son's case, part of that thrill was watching him hit the age that I was familiar with. After I'd got over the first shock of "Babies are Hard!" it seemed to me like I spent his first two years watching him grow towards the level of maturity that I knew and was comfortable with. I felt no pangs watching him leave behind the baby stage and welcomed his blossoming into toddlerhood.
It was only after he turned two that I really understood what people said about not wanting their children to grow up. I felt definite pangs when we reached his third birthday, along with the apprehension of leaving familiar territory... I have some experience with three to six year olds, but not so much, and anything beyond that might as well be labelled: "Here there be dragons."
My daughter was born when my son was twenty-six months, and because we have always felt confident that she is our last child, the baby stage was that more precious. I still welcomed the passage of the first months (sleep deprivation makes me into a person I don't like), but I clung to some little things for that much longer, like carrying her in my arms instead of on my hip...
Now though, the needle has swung the other way again. I struggled a little with my son's transition from toddler to child, this post being a good example, but I've got used to the change in his outlook now, and become aware of just how much I like it, how much I like him. The conversations we have, his independence, those unexpected flashes of responsibility. It's delightful.
Meanwhile, my daughter benefits from my experience. I didn't look at the number on the birthday cards and fret that I only have a year before I have to learn new things again (though I had a moment of grief for one, which really is a lovely age). I remember the milestones my son hit, I look forward to her growing independence, and how we will all benefit. After all, in another few months she'll be potty trained, and we won't have to carry nappies and wipes with us.
We are definitely leaving the baby stage of our lives behind us, and I'll miss so much about that (like how my small daughter fit against me as, sorry and sick, she cuddled close on the sofa). But having children means we can expand our horizons further. This year, when planning an upcoming holiday, I can look for short walks that aren't stroller friendly. Next year, those walks can get longer, and we won't even own a stroller to pack. The year after that, we probably won't have to account for an afternoon nap...
Judging by how parenting works, I'm fairly sure that I'll continue to switch between: "Yay for growing up!" and "Don't get any older!" Already, I've had a few friends talk darkly about the moodiness of five years old... and god knows, the teenage years continue to hold terrors for me.
But right now, I'm loving that my children are growing into themselves, and I'm looking forward to all the new adventures our family can experience.
Early reactions to the shift have included the utter thrill of getting in and out of the car without having to worry about anything more than my handbag and keys. Also going round the supermarket and feeling absurdly lonely. Rehabilitation might take longer than I thought...
My last day of school also marked my daughter's second birthday, and since then, she's continued at the school every morning without me and adapted beautifully. Of course, my last week was a transitional week, when both I and the new teacher were working together, so she had time to develop a rapport with her. Reportedly, she's asked for me a few times off and on, but it's not upset her, and every morning, she heads up the steps without a backwards glance (my son at least waits for my goodbye kiss). I am almost a little offended!
It's a huge thrill to see her old enough to go to the toddler class, the class that I helped to establish six years ago! I remember being just as thrilled when my son started, but in my son's case, part of that thrill was watching him hit the age that I was familiar with. After I'd got over the first shock of "Babies are Hard!" it seemed to me like I spent his first two years watching him grow towards the level of maturity that I knew and was comfortable with. I felt no pangs watching him leave behind the baby stage and welcomed his blossoming into toddlerhood.
It was only after he turned two that I really understood what people said about not wanting their children to grow up. I felt definite pangs when we reached his third birthday, along with the apprehension of leaving familiar territory... I have some experience with three to six year olds, but not so much, and anything beyond that might as well be labelled: "Here there be dragons."
My daughter was born when my son was twenty-six months, and because we have always felt confident that she is our last child, the baby stage was that more precious. I still welcomed the passage of the first months (sleep deprivation makes me into a person I don't like), but I clung to some little things for that much longer, like carrying her in my arms instead of on my hip...
Now though, the needle has swung the other way again. I struggled a little with my son's transition from toddler to child, this post being a good example, but I've got used to the change in his outlook now, and become aware of just how much I like it, how much I like him. The conversations we have, his independence, those unexpected flashes of responsibility. It's delightful.
Meanwhile, my daughter benefits from my experience. I didn't look at the number on the birthday cards and fret that I only have a year before I have to learn new things again (though I had a moment of grief for one, which really is a lovely age). I remember the milestones my son hit, I look forward to her growing independence, and how we will all benefit. After all, in another few months she'll be potty trained, and we won't have to carry nappies and wipes with us.
We are definitely leaving the baby stage of our lives behind us, and I'll miss so much about that (like how my small daughter fit against me as, sorry and sick, she cuddled close on the sofa). But having children means we can expand our horizons further. This year, when planning an upcoming holiday, I can look for short walks that aren't stroller friendly. Next year, those walks can get longer, and we won't even own a stroller to pack. The year after that, we probably won't have to account for an afternoon nap...
Judging by how parenting works, I'm fairly sure that I'll continue to switch between: "Yay for growing up!" and "Don't get any older!" Already, I've had a few friends talk darkly about the moodiness of five years old... and god knows, the teenage years continue to hold terrors for me.
But right now, I'm loving that my children are growing into themselves, and I'm looking forward to all the new adventures our family can experience.
Tuesday, 22 January 2013
Working and Mothering
So, a couple of weeks into the job, I should probably talk about how it's going.
Back to Teaching
I have resumed my old class from before my son was born, teaching two year olds at a Montessori school. I'm basically acting as a supply teacher, covering until the end of February, something I offered to do because I had the experience and knew the materials / routine. After February, it seems fairly unlikely that I will be working before September, although I have learned not to make assumptions!
It has been absolutely wonderful to be back in the classroom. A little chaotic as I re-adjust, especially since I was accustomed to co-teaching that class, and now it's just me mostly (there's another teacher two days a week). But the adjustment has gone pretty quickly... the only thing I'm really out of practice on seems to be potty-training, or at least remembering to send the potty-trainees to the potty on a regular basis!
Still, I've been figuring out where the classroom control was breaking down, adjusting the situation accordingly (e.g. introducing more calm-down areas, such as a play-doh table that faces a wall, getting one child to 'read' to the others while I'm doing the diapers in the bathroom), and of course, familiarising the children with me and just how far I can be pushed! I noticed the first moment of classroom harmony (as opposed to me managing crises!) after a week, and this is now happening regularly. So are the crises, of course--they're toddlers, after all! But I'm at the point now where I can start assessing the children more individually and presenting new work to them.
It's all tremendously stimulating and reminds me how much I thrive in a prepared environment for these short bursts of time, as opposed to when I'm doing the child-care in my own home 24/7.
Teaching My Own Children
The crossover between home and school is my daughter, who's joined the class--fortunately, she's the only new pupil this term. I wasn't sure how this would work out; back when my son joined the class, I was volunteering as classroom assistant for a short period, because there was an influx of new children who needed more attention than one person could give. He found it very difficult to accept that although I was there, I had to help the other children. In that situation, the classroom teacher tried to attend to him as much as possible, to give him the idea of another caregiver, but for the few weeks I volunteered, he was very clingy with me in the classroom.
In my daughter's case, she hasn't been particularly jealous of the other children, nor has she needed to assert herself as entitled to any special treatment. However, it's very much been a case of: "You're my mother. I know I can push you further than that!" If, as this morning, she's slept badly and is crabby, she'll point blank refuse to put her work away, or her jacket on (thanks, sensory issues!) and will start throwing a tantrum over it, just as she would at home.
That's terribly difficult for me, because what works on the other children won't work on her. I always describe the difference between parental authority and other authority in these terms: the child knows their Mum won't kill them; they can't be so sure about their teacher. Fortunately, her lack of discipline is not infecting the other children, but I fret that it's setting a bad precedent for her... that this is how she can (indeed, will!) behave in school, and that she'll continue in this vein even once I'm no longer her teacher.
On the other hand, she's so young (technically too young for this class still), and I know full well that she's always been headstrong. Chances are, she'd have been disobedient anyway, and I've seen plenty of similar children pass through the toddler class who develop beautifully--they might always test the boundaries of authority, but they learn self-control and become better at picking their battles, and it rarely hurts their social standing or academic interest.
I'm not going to turn around and pretend her behaviour is a positive--it might be indicative of leadership abilities and thinking outside the box or whatever, but it's still a problem if I'm spending half the morning on getting her to put her work away. Nobody's getting the benefit out of the class that they should be in that scenario. However, I do need to learn not to get so twitchy just because it's my daughter. In retrospect, I wish she'd started the class under a different teacher, but this is not a sentence of doom on all her schooldays.
My son, incidentally, has loved having me at school. I don't have much to do with his classroom, but I act as playground monitor at the start and end of the morning. The toddlers obviously require a shorter work cycle, so they get more playtime, but the Children's House (3-6 year olds) can come out and play more or less at individual whim while the toddlers are having their playtime. Because I'm a big believer in getting children outside as much as possible, even on rainy days, I cram everybody onto the covered porch and do warm-up exercises and stand-up action songs for as long as I can hold their interest.
Anyway, my son likes the outdoor play in the morning, and he gets a big kick out of the fact that I'm his Mum. We did have one incident in the first week where he tried to use this to go to the front of the line, but otherwise, he's not expected any special attention. He's just excited that I'm there.
It's going to be very interesting to see how both children deal with me stopping work in March.
Work and Housework
The juggling of work and home has not really gone well. I had settled into a good groove by the end of 2012, in terms of keeping the house going, parenting and keeping some me-time, but as I said in my previous post, I'm a morning person. That's my productive time, and I used to do a lot of the housework in the mornings. Now I'm at school in the morning, which is great, because my productivity goes into my job, but by the afternoon I'm wiped.
The problem is because I know this isn't permanent, and I can go right back into my old routine come March, I'm not motivated to figure out a new routine. Instead, I've remembered the lesson of my children's newborn days and gone into survival mode. For the next six weeks, the things that have to be done will get done, but most other things will not be done as often as they should be, and as much as possible will be put off altogether.
What I'm saying is that I work only twenty hours a week, and I still can't do the housework on top of that. Do not come looking to me for advice on how to do it all, and I am thoroughly humbled by those of you who manage even my standards in a full-time job.
Parenting, on the other hand, is going well. I always tried to keep the afternoons for activities with the children. Now, I have to do a bit more worrying about housework and we have errands to run, but we're still getting out to a playground or the zoo or the botanical gardens a couple of times a week.
The only thing that's really been lost is one on one time with my daughter. My son gets individual attention during her nap, but it's unusual to have just my daughter and myself working or playing together. Right now, I don't think it's a problem, especially since she's getting so much new stimulation at school, but I will probably start making the effort to get some alone-time with her after I've finished working.
So there we go. That's how things stand for now. Come March, it'll be a very different experience again, as I try the role of Stay at Home Mum with both kids at school in the morning (there's no point in pulling my daughter out of the class at that stage). I freely admit, I'm looking forward to having so much time to myself, and at least we're fortunate enough that this won't be a financial burden. Still, I'm hoping that this will be as short-lived a phase as my current position. I'd like to have a much clearer idea of where I am heading in the long term.
Back to Teaching
I have resumed my old class from before my son was born, teaching two year olds at a Montessori school. I'm basically acting as a supply teacher, covering until the end of February, something I offered to do because I had the experience and knew the materials / routine. After February, it seems fairly unlikely that I will be working before September, although I have learned not to make assumptions!
It has been absolutely wonderful to be back in the classroom. A little chaotic as I re-adjust, especially since I was accustomed to co-teaching that class, and now it's just me mostly (there's another teacher two days a week). But the adjustment has gone pretty quickly... the only thing I'm really out of practice on seems to be potty-training, or at least remembering to send the potty-trainees to the potty on a regular basis!
Still, I've been figuring out where the classroom control was breaking down, adjusting the situation accordingly (e.g. introducing more calm-down areas, such as a play-doh table that faces a wall, getting one child to 'read' to the others while I'm doing the diapers in the bathroom), and of course, familiarising the children with me and just how far I can be pushed! I noticed the first moment of classroom harmony (as opposed to me managing crises!) after a week, and this is now happening regularly. So are the crises, of course--they're toddlers, after all! But I'm at the point now where I can start assessing the children more individually and presenting new work to them.
It's all tremendously stimulating and reminds me how much I thrive in a prepared environment for these short bursts of time, as opposed to when I'm doing the child-care in my own home 24/7.
Teaching My Own Children
The crossover between home and school is my daughter, who's joined the class--fortunately, she's the only new pupil this term. I wasn't sure how this would work out; back when my son joined the class, I was volunteering as classroom assistant for a short period, because there was an influx of new children who needed more attention than one person could give. He found it very difficult to accept that although I was there, I had to help the other children. In that situation, the classroom teacher tried to attend to him as much as possible, to give him the idea of another caregiver, but for the few weeks I volunteered, he was very clingy with me in the classroom.
In my daughter's case, she hasn't been particularly jealous of the other children, nor has she needed to assert herself as entitled to any special treatment. However, it's very much been a case of: "You're my mother. I know I can push you further than that!" If, as this morning, she's slept badly and is crabby, she'll point blank refuse to put her work away, or her jacket on (thanks, sensory issues!) and will start throwing a tantrum over it, just as she would at home.
That's terribly difficult for me, because what works on the other children won't work on her. I always describe the difference between parental authority and other authority in these terms: the child knows their Mum won't kill them; they can't be so sure about their teacher. Fortunately, her lack of discipline is not infecting the other children, but I fret that it's setting a bad precedent for her... that this is how she can (indeed, will!) behave in school, and that she'll continue in this vein even once I'm no longer her teacher.
On the other hand, she's so young (technically too young for this class still), and I know full well that she's always been headstrong. Chances are, she'd have been disobedient anyway, and I've seen plenty of similar children pass through the toddler class who develop beautifully--they might always test the boundaries of authority, but they learn self-control and become better at picking their battles, and it rarely hurts their social standing or academic interest.
I'm not going to turn around and pretend her behaviour is a positive--it might be indicative of leadership abilities and thinking outside the box or whatever, but it's still a problem if I'm spending half the morning on getting her to put her work away. Nobody's getting the benefit out of the class that they should be in that scenario. However, I do need to learn not to get so twitchy just because it's my daughter. In retrospect, I wish she'd started the class under a different teacher, but this is not a sentence of doom on all her schooldays.
My son, incidentally, has loved having me at school. I don't have much to do with his classroom, but I act as playground monitor at the start and end of the morning. The toddlers obviously require a shorter work cycle, so they get more playtime, but the Children's House (3-6 year olds) can come out and play more or less at individual whim while the toddlers are having their playtime. Because I'm a big believer in getting children outside as much as possible, even on rainy days, I cram everybody onto the covered porch and do warm-up exercises and stand-up action songs for as long as I can hold their interest.
Anyway, my son likes the outdoor play in the morning, and he gets a big kick out of the fact that I'm his Mum. We did have one incident in the first week where he tried to use this to go to the front of the line, but otherwise, he's not expected any special attention. He's just excited that I'm there.
It's going to be very interesting to see how both children deal with me stopping work in March.
Work and Housework
The juggling of work and home has not really gone well. I had settled into a good groove by the end of 2012, in terms of keeping the house going, parenting and keeping some me-time, but as I said in my previous post, I'm a morning person. That's my productive time, and I used to do a lot of the housework in the mornings. Now I'm at school in the morning, which is great, because my productivity goes into my job, but by the afternoon I'm wiped.
The problem is because I know this isn't permanent, and I can go right back into my old routine come March, I'm not motivated to figure out a new routine. Instead, I've remembered the lesson of my children's newborn days and gone into survival mode. For the next six weeks, the things that have to be done will get done, but most other things will not be done as often as they should be, and as much as possible will be put off altogether.
What I'm saying is that I work only twenty hours a week, and I still can't do the housework on top of that. Do not come looking to me for advice on how to do it all, and I am thoroughly humbled by those of you who manage even my standards in a full-time job.
Parenting, on the other hand, is going well. I always tried to keep the afternoons for activities with the children. Now, I have to do a bit more worrying about housework and we have errands to run, but we're still getting out to a playground or the zoo or the botanical gardens a couple of times a week.
The only thing that's really been lost is one on one time with my daughter. My son gets individual attention during her nap, but it's unusual to have just my daughter and myself working or playing together. Right now, I don't think it's a problem, especially since she's getting so much new stimulation at school, but I will probably start making the effort to get some alone-time with her after I've finished working.
So there we go. That's how things stand for now. Come March, it'll be a very different experience again, as I try the role of Stay at Home Mum with both kids at school in the morning (there's no point in pulling my daughter out of the class at that stage). I freely admit, I'm looking forward to having so much time to myself, and at least we're fortunate enough that this won't be a financial burden. Still, I'm hoping that this will be as short-lived a phase as my current position. I'd like to have a much clearer idea of where I am heading in the long term.
Tuesday, 27 March 2012
On the other side of the fence
Before my son was born, I worked for a couple of years at the local Montessori school, mostly in the two-year-old classroom, plus one term in the children's house (three-six year olds).
When my son turned two, it was a given that he would be going to the school. I don't think that the school is perfect by any means, but I'm aware of what its faults and strengths are. I knew the daily schedule, the usual songs and stories and most of the work.
There had been some staff turnover since my time there, but the head was the same and my old colleague was still in the toddler room. I had an established relationship with the people who would be teaching my children. I had also worked/helped out off and on since my son had been born anyway, deliberately maintaining my connection with the school. I had an inside track, so to speak.
This made it very easy for me to pick a school. I don't know how I'm going to manage for their next school! For what it's worth, having worked as a teacher, my number one advice for a preschool is to choose one where you feel you've got a good rapport with their teachers. At this age, I think it's very important to have a back and forth conversation about where they are with their needs and skills (not just the academic ones)--and both you and the teacher need to be able to be honest.
The transition from teacher to parent has been an interesting one. After two years of monopolising my son's life and knowing exactly what he was learning every day, it was bizarre to say goodbye to him and let him spend three hours without me. Three hours that would become a void in my knowledge of him.
It was also weird to go from being "Miss Sarah" to "Toby's Mom." Actually, some of the older children at school still call me Miss Sarah, which I take great pride in. However, I used to know the name of every child there, and that's no longer the case... although I imagine I still know more than most parents.
For the most part though, I'm comfortably settled into the parent-role now. I still get agitated about what he's doing. I went in to observe him in January, when he moved down to the children's house, and I might just have to do that again soon, but I probably shouldn't get into the helicopter-parenting habit! When I was teaching, I always felt a little silly doing parent/teacher conferences--how much academic assessment does a two year need? As a parent, I've been so grateful for the insight into just what my son is doing all day.
Perhaps my biggest problem now is remembering that my husband isn't as familiar with Montessori as I am and thus doesn't necessarily understand what we're talking about at these parent/teacher conferences. We had our second last week, and the teacher was explaining that our son had pulled out the moveable alphabet of his own accord. I chattered away to her about his abilities with sounding out words, but my husband had no idea what the moveable alphabet was. We took him into the classroom afterwards to show him.
Sidenote, I am so appreciative of my husband making the time to come to the PTCs. I know a lot don't, and it's important to me that he stays involved in the kids' education.
Let's just emphasise a point here: my son is working on the moveable alphabet. That definitely came as a surprise, since I didn't think he had figured out how to break a word into its component sounds yet. I knew he knew all his sounds (i.e. the alphabet in phonics), but it turns out he can pull out the letters to write 'man', 'hat' and 'bat'. He can't read, but he has made that leap to writing.
At home, he sometimes rearranges the magnetic letters on the fridge, but only in a random order. Still, today, I was sorting out a box of language stuff, and he pulled out some phonics cards I'd bought, saying he wanted to do those (not that he had the faintest idea what they were). The card on top was 'ar', and it showed a picture of a car in a barn with a star painted on. He said 'farm' rather than 'barn' but that worked as well.
I dug out some letters from the same box and gave him 'a' and 'r', and we arranged them in order. Then I tried pulling out 'c', 's', 't', 'f' and 'm'. He got 'car' and figured out 'star' much quicker than I expected, considering 'st' is a blend. We never progressed to 'farm' because my daughter started pulling letters out of the bag and putting them on the table. She does like practising her transferring skills.
Considering my previous anxiety on how best to teach him to read, I'm thrilled by this development, and now I've got to try very hard to sit back and not push him on it. He's definitely early on this, but that's OK. He's not a genius by any stretch of the imagination and even in literacy he might average out in another few years. But as his mother, I am so proud of him right now.
And as a teacher? Well, we'll see what next year brings. My hope is that when my daughter starts school, I'll be making a new transition to both teacher and parent. That should be interesting!
When my son turned two, it was a given that he would be going to the school. I don't think that the school is perfect by any means, but I'm aware of what its faults and strengths are. I knew the daily schedule, the usual songs and stories and most of the work.
There had been some staff turnover since my time there, but the head was the same and my old colleague was still in the toddler room. I had an established relationship with the people who would be teaching my children. I had also worked/helped out off and on since my son had been born anyway, deliberately maintaining my connection with the school. I had an inside track, so to speak.
This made it very easy for me to pick a school. I don't know how I'm going to manage for their next school! For what it's worth, having worked as a teacher, my number one advice for a preschool is to choose one where you feel you've got a good rapport with their teachers. At this age, I think it's very important to have a back and forth conversation about where they are with their needs and skills (not just the academic ones)--and both you and the teacher need to be able to be honest.
The transition from teacher to parent has been an interesting one. After two years of monopolising my son's life and knowing exactly what he was learning every day, it was bizarre to say goodbye to him and let him spend three hours without me. Three hours that would become a void in my knowledge of him.
It was also weird to go from being "Miss Sarah" to "Toby's Mom." Actually, some of the older children at school still call me Miss Sarah, which I take great pride in. However, I used to know the name of every child there, and that's no longer the case... although I imagine I still know more than most parents.
For the most part though, I'm comfortably settled into the parent-role now. I still get agitated about what he's doing. I went in to observe him in January, when he moved down to the children's house, and I might just have to do that again soon, but I probably shouldn't get into the helicopter-parenting habit! When I was teaching, I always felt a little silly doing parent/teacher conferences--how much academic assessment does a two year need? As a parent, I've been so grateful for the insight into just what my son is doing all day.
Perhaps my biggest problem now is remembering that my husband isn't as familiar with Montessori as I am and thus doesn't necessarily understand what we're talking about at these parent/teacher conferences. We had our second last week, and the teacher was explaining that our son had pulled out the moveable alphabet of his own accord. I chattered away to her about his abilities with sounding out words, but my husband had no idea what the moveable alphabet was. We took him into the classroom afterwards to show him.
Sidenote, I am so appreciative of my husband making the time to come to the PTCs. I know a lot don't, and it's important to me that he stays involved in the kids' education.
Let's just emphasise a point here: my son is working on the moveable alphabet. That definitely came as a surprise, since I didn't think he had figured out how to break a word into its component sounds yet. I knew he knew all his sounds (i.e. the alphabet in phonics), but it turns out he can pull out the letters to write 'man', 'hat' and 'bat'. He can't read, but he has made that leap to writing.
At home, he sometimes rearranges the magnetic letters on the fridge, but only in a random order. Still, today, I was sorting out a box of language stuff, and he pulled out some phonics cards I'd bought, saying he wanted to do those (not that he had the faintest idea what they were). The card on top was 'ar', and it showed a picture of a car in a barn with a star painted on. He said 'farm' rather than 'barn' but that worked as well.
I dug out some letters from the same box and gave him 'a' and 'r', and we arranged them in order. Then I tried pulling out 'c', 's', 't', 'f' and 'm'. He got 'car' and figured out 'star' much quicker than I expected, considering 'st' is a blend. We never progressed to 'farm' because my daughter started pulling letters out of the bag and putting them on the table. She does like practising her transferring skills.
Considering my previous anxiety on how best to teach him to read, I'm thrilled by this development, and now I've got to try very hard to sit back and not push him on it. He's definitely early on this, but that's OK. He's not a genius by any stretch of the imagination and even in literacy he might average out in another few years. But as his mother, I am so proud of him right now.
And as a teacher? Well, we'll see what next year brings. My hope is that when my daughter starts school, I'll be making a new transition to both teacher and parent. That should be interesting!
Sunday, 1 January 2012
Raising my Hopes
I wanted to do a post to welcome 2012 and talk about my plans / expectations for the year, and then I came to title it, and the above seemed the most appropriate. Only now I'm realising how weird it is that I'm letting my hopes get high (and please, let fate not be tempted!).
The past few years have been wonderful ones, but they've been hard too. In 2011, my new year's resolution was to have a baby. I succeeded! I was, admittedly, fairly confident about that. But I always knew that the transition to two children would be hard and that I didn't handle sleep deprivation well. In 2010, I was trying to get and then stay pregnant, all the while keeping up with an increasingly active toddler.
However, my daughter's almost a year old now, and the 'one step at a time' mantra that I developed during the infertility period is on its way out. Now I'm planning ahead, and I'm planning to enjoy this year. All the more so because in 2013, I'll likely start working again, and my career will take priority for the first time since my son was born (and, honestly, since quite a bit before that). This is the last year that I'll be a stay at home mother with all my time at my children's disposal. Also, if I do go ahead with the Montessori qualification, that's going to mean a lot of work, so, like the past couple of years, 2013 stands to be wonderful but hard.
Therefore, 2012's going to be a sabbatical of sorts for me. I remember one being a hugely fun age for my son, although hindered somewhat by my IVF and pregnancy, and I'm looking forward to reliving it with my daughter. As for my son, now that he's turned three, it's very exciting to think that he'll carry memories of this year for the rest of his life. That's definitely reason to give us all some good memories to share.
Happy new year to everybody else! May 2012 be rewarding for us all!
The past few years have been wonderful ones, but they've been hard too. In 2011, my new year's resolution was to have a baby. I succeeded! I was, admittedly, fairly confident about that. But I always knew that the transition to two children would be hard and that I didn't handle sleep deprivation well. In 2010, I was trying to get and then stay pregnant, all the while keeping up with an increasingly active toddler.
However, my daughter's almost a year old now, and the 'one step at a time' mantra that I developed during the infertility period is on its way out. Now I'm planning ahead, and I'm planning to enjoy this year. All the more so because in 2013, I'll likely start working again, and my career will take priority for the first time since my son was born (and, honestly, since quite a bit before that). This is the last year that I'll be a stay at home mother with all my time at my children's disposal. Also, if I do go ahead with the Montessori qualification, that's going to mean a lot of work, so, like the past couple of years, 2013 stands to be wonderful but hard.
Therefore, 2012's going to be a sabbatical of sorts for me. I remember one being a hugely fun age for my son, although hindered somewhat by my IVF and pregnancy, and I'm looking forward to reliving it with my daughter. As for my son, now that he's turned three, it's very exciting to think that he'll carry memories of this year for the rest of his life. That's definitely reason to give us all some good memories to share.
Happy new year to everybody else! May 2012 be rewarding for us all!
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